Sunday snicker

June 17, 2017

During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgement, the pastor said forcefully, “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement.”

Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face. The minister repeated his point louder. “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!”

The man nodded and smiled even more. This really got the preacher wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum: “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!!!” Though everyone else in the congregation was looking somber, the man in front continued to smile.

Finally the preacher stepped off the platform, stood in front of the man and shouted, “I said each member of this church is going to die!” The man grinned from ear to ear. After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline for the man. “I don’t get it,” the preacher said in frustration. “Whenever I said, ‘Each member of this church is going to die,’ your smile got bigger. Why?”

“I’m not a member of this church,” the man replied.


Sunday snicker

June 10, 2017

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing.

The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap. He’s so angry, he shouts, “God dammit, I missed!”

The nun reminds him not to take the Lord’s name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again.

He hits the ball into the rough, and in his anger, once again shouts “God dammit, I MISSED!”

“Father, please, you must stop taking the Lord’s name in vain!” the nun pleads. He apologizes.

On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells “GOD DAMMIT, I MISSED!” and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes her, killing her instantly.

Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms, “God dammit, I missed!”


Sunday snicker

June 3, 2017

There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?”

The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.”

Not paying much attetion, the man says, “Sure, ok.”

So he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, “Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God” and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

“Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!”

Finally he remembers, “Amen!!”

The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God.”


Mixed emotions

May 30, 2017

Some of you may have noticed that a certain church steeple is
the subject in my photographs I share. The steeple is attached
to the Sacred Heart Cathedral and to the north of the church
the Sacred Heart Catholic School has stood since 1915.

I was baptized, had my confirmation, was an altar boy, and went
to school there. And now, in the name of progress, the school
will torn down later this year. Conflicting thoughts fill my mind
at the thought.

On the one hand I got a first rate education there from the
1st through the 7th grade. On the other, more nuns smacked my
knuckles with a wooden ruler because they felt my grin meant I
had the Devil inside me. So while I did learn Latin there my
knuckles will never be the same.

About 3,000 students attended the school in its run from 1915
to 2004 and I’d be willing to bet I got more Devil smacked out
of me than any of the others. I still grin.

The church says the school isn’t handicap accessible, the
catch all phrase used when a building has out lived its
intended purpose. Instead, the church is adding a 15,000 square
foot addition on the rear of the church and where the school
now stands would make a nifty parking lot.

Due to some changes I no longer attend the church but will
miss the school. In the past I have strolled by the old school
building just to make sure it was still there. Soon I won’t
have to as it won’t be.

I remember classmates, both living and passed, and still have
one good friend from that stage of my life so I’ll keep
grinning even after the building is gone. I may even go to mass
one more time, just to see if lightening strikes the steeple
or not.

So enjoy our Tuesday. Later we’ll go over to Dads and I’m sure
the old school will come up in the conversation. That and
Johnny Poppers, Dad does love those two cylinder John Deeres.
Comments are always welcome.


Sunday snicker

May 27, 2017

A friend shared the following and since we heard no news that
he burst into flames, and we laughed, here it is….

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, “We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”

The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, “Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?”

“Pastor, I’m afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man admitted.

“What happened?” inquired the pastor.

“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there.”

“You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church,” stated the pastor.

“That’s okay,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the grocery store anymore either.”


Card trick

May 21, 2017

While cruising along the information highway yesterday I ran
across and old friend of sorts and since it was Armed Forces
Day I almost did a post then. But since it is now Sunday, this
old friend is a song written in the 1940s, and it is about the
Bible, I’ll share it now.

The song first became a hit in 1948 when performed by country
musician T. Texas Tyler. It would later be performed by the
likes of Wink Martindale, Tex Ritter, and many others. It is
more recitation than song but it makes my eyes leak in a good
way.

If you’ve heard it you know it and if you haven’t watch the
video below. Turn the speakers up a little and listen to
“The Deck of Cards” performed by Tex Ritter.

Enjoy our Sunday.
Comments are always welcome.


Sunday snicker

May 20, 2017

I’m probably going to hell for this, but will share it anyway
because it made me laugh. Enjoy

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to
replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older gent suggested the young one accompany him
on his rounds so the community could become used to
a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a
little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been
overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the
amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the
trick?”

As they left the younger man said, “You didn’t even
examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis
so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my
stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over
to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in
the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.”

“Huh,” the younger doctor said, “Pretty sneaky. I think
I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes
talking with an elderly woman.

She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she
once did. “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,”
the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back
a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doc said, “Your diagnosis is almost
certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?”

“Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my
stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed
the preacher under the bed.”