Sunday snicker

July 14, 2019

Three Christian boys live in a church. One day the boys say, “Pastor! Pastor! We have done no bad deed.” The pastor replies, “Very good. Now each of you are granted one bad deed.”

One boy comes back and says, “Pastor! Pastor! I broke a car window.” The pastor tells him, “Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water.”

The second boy comes back saying, “Pastor! Pastor! I punched a woman in the face.” The pastor replies, “Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water.”

The third boy comes in and says, “Pastor! Pastor! I peed in the holy water!”


Sunday snicker

July 7, 2019

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

Sunday snicker

June 30, 2019

In 1988 Enzo Anselmo Ferrari, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven God was showing him around.

They came to a modest little house with a small Ferrari flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity Enzo,” said God. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.”

Enzo felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house around the corner. It was a huge mansian with a carbon fibre sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Porsche flag, and in every window, a Porsche crest.

Enzo looked at God and said “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a questions. I was a good manufacturer, my cars won Le Mans and F1 championships. Why does Ferdinand Porsche get a better house than me?”

God chuckled and said “Enzo, that’s not Ferdinands house, it’s mine!”

Sunday snicker

June 23, 2019

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In heaven, all three faced God who wanted to know what they believed in.

The German Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.” “Good!” said God. “Sit at my right side.”

“Doberman, what do you believe in?” asked God. The Doberman answered “I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.” “Aha,” said God. “You may sit to my left.”

Then God looked at the cat and asked, “And what do you believe in?” The cat replied, “I believe you are sitting in my seat.”

Sunday snicker

June 16, 2019

Since the last few posts have been really late we thought we’d do an early one. So Happy Father’s Day! and enjoy the snicker.

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooter’s. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the restroom?’

The bartender replied, ‘Ok, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.’

‘Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way’ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped long enough to give the nun a round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’

‘Well, now they know you’re one of us’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’

‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand’, said the puzzled nun.

‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out’.

‘Now, how about that drink?’

Sunday snicker

June 9, 2019

Mother Teresa dies and of course goes directly to heaven. God greets her and asks her, “After you get familiar with this place, how about we have dinner together?” “I would love to eat dinner with you!”

Later that evening they meet up for dinner and she takes a seat at the dining room table. God is in the kitchen and starts preparing a very simple meal: one can of tuna fish and some crackers.

Through some cracks in the floor, Mother Teresa looks down at Hell; she sees fire and red hot flames with hundreds of thousands of people, and they are dining on lobster, fine wine, chocolate cakes, steaks, pancakes, row after row of fine food.

Mother Teresa can’t help but ask, “God, look at how they’re eating down there. Shouldn’t we be dining even better than Hell? You are just serving canned tuna and crackers…

” God says, “Well, I figure since it’s just the two of us, why cook?”

Sunday snicker

June 2, 2019

The wife shared this one and she’s more stubborn than I am so here it is.

There was a Minister whose wife was expecting a baby. The Minister went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Minister’s family expanded, so would his pay check.

After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Minister’s pay situation. You can imagine there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Minister got up and spoke to the crowd, “Having children is an act of God!”

In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up, and in his frail voice said… “Snow and Rain are also ‘acts of God’, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers!”