Sunday snicker

March 25, 2017

There were two Catholic Boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways.

In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their Senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college and upon graduation became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world; but, it was generally acknowledged that Antonio was just a cut above Timothy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be either Timothy or Antonio who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney, and the world waited to see who they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio was beyond surprise, he was devastated, because even with all Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”

After a long silence, one old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered Antonio and rose to reply, “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called Pope Secola.


Sunday snicker

March 18, 2017

A man walks into a church one day and kneels down to pray. “Lord,” he says, “I’ve made mistakes, but I’m determined to change. If you let me win the lottery, I promise to be a good servant and never bother you again.”

Nothing happens. So the next week the man tries again. “Please, God, let me win the lottery, and I’ll come to church every week.”

Again nothing happens. So the man decides to try one last time. “Lord,” he implores, “why haven’t I won the lottery? Have you abandoned me?”

Suddenly a deep voice booms down from above. “My son, I have not abandoned you, but at least meet me halfway—buy a ticket!”


Sunday snicker

March 11, 2017

A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

“I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

“Funny you should come to me,” said the Rabbi. “Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the father.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the Rabbi.

“And what did he say?” pressed the father.

“God said, ‘Funny you should come to me…’ “


Bonus snicker

March 5, 2017

Since it’s Sunday we’ll share a bonus snicker. It’s short, but we
think it’s funny so enjoy.

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A little girl asked her mother, “Where did people come from?”

Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that’s how all mankind was made.”

A couple of days later she asked her father the same question.

The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys, which the human race evolved from.”

The confused little girl returned to her mother and said, “Mommy, how is it possible that you told me that we were created by God, and Daddy said we came from monkeys?”

The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”


Sunday snicker

March 4, 2017

st_peter

A little girl was sitting on her granddad’s lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes of the book and reaching up and touching his old, wrinkled face. After a few times doing this, she finally asked, “Grandpa, were you made by God?”

“Yes, dear.” he replied. “I was made by God a long time ago.”

The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, “And did God make me?”

“Of course, dear.” replied her grandfather. “God made you not long ago.”

The girl felt her own face and then her granddad’s again, thought for a moment and then said, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”


Wednesday whim

March 1, 2017

I saw this joke online and it made me laugh so I thought I’d
share it. The author wasn’t mentioned.

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An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert
always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing
some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over. “Nope”.

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and
walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the
boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time,
“Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and explained, “Bert, what’s different?
It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll
be hanging down again tomorrow!”

Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN
MARGARET?”

“Nope”, she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!”

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, “Shoulds
bought a hat Bert”.


Sunday snicker

February 25, 2017

This is an older one and I may have posted it before, but the
wife sent it to me and it still made me smile.

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The Sunday School lesson for the first graders was on the plan of salvation. The teacher asked, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?”

“No!” all the children answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “No!”

“Well,” she continued, “then how can I get to heaven?”

One boy confidently answered, “You’ve gotta be dead!”