Turtles?

March 21, 2019

Saw this guy first thing yesterday morning and thought it would be a great day. And it was. The moon went missing behind the clouds and the cheese on my pizza didn’t melt, but it was still a good day.

Then I fell asleep. After I nodded off I was transported back to a time when I was in the Navy and stationed in San Diego. A time when if off duty freedom was only as far away as my motorcycle. But this dream wasn’t about leaning into the curves and tearing up the highways, I had gotten a part time job.

How I ended up an employee of the San Diego Zoo I have no idea but as the dream progressed I found out my official title was ‘Turtle Waxer’. Being a car nut I had heard of Turtle Wax but have never heard of anyone Waxing turtles. I had to learn as I went.

Imagine my surprise when led to a long, but short, steel building and being told it was the automatic turtle wash. Much like a car wash but a lot slower. I was then told that as the cleaned and dried turtles came out the chute at the end my job began.

I was told to grab a can of paste wax and wax the top shell before tipping the turtle to get the bottom part of the shell. Then it was flip the turtle back over to buff the wax out then flip and repeat. And things went fine until one of those 300 year old giant buggers came down the line and I couldn’t flip it.

That was when I got on the bike and rode away. I guess you had to be there. Enjoy our Thursday as it means the weekend is only a dream away.
Comments are always welcome.

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Needing a nap

March 15, 2019

I made the mistake of going to bed early last night and am now paying the price. For some odd reason by 10 o’clock my body was horizontal and nodding off fast. Usually I don’t even lay down until around midnight.

So thinking of a good nights rest with possible 4 or 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, Imagine my surprise when I woke every hour once I put my body to bed. After 4 hours and 3 wake ups I decided that was all the sleep to be had.

Every time sleep overtook me I had the same dream. I was on the table in a hospital operating room and a doctor with a huge metal mirror over his head was working on the back of my neck while telling me to just relax. That was a bit strange to this redneck as I don’t like hospitals or operations.

When I mention this fact to others most act surprised and state that hospitals and operations keep us alive. But when I’m at home strange infections are never mentioned and medical mistakes are far from my mind. Actually, I don’t like the rehab after the operation either. But I digress.

So in the dream this surgeon keeps digging for what ever he believes is in my neck that doesn’t belong and telling me to relax. In the last dream I tell him that if I could get up I’d slap him silly. He chuckles at that but since I can’t move I can’t slap him silly.

Never did learn why he was operating on my neck or how it turned out but cannot afford to lose any sleep over it. Lost enough sleep last night. It wouldn’t have bothered except for the sitting up, wide awake, once an hour trying to figure out why I woke up.

Enjoy our Friday as it means we’re that much closer to St. Patrick’s Day. Now for some coffee, I really need it today.
Comments are always welcome.


Gone crazy?

February 23, 2019

I woke the wife up again while making too much noise and thrashing around in my sleep. I knew it was a good one from the look the wife was giving me. But being prepared for such instances as explanation was due. Surely once she heard what the dream was about her mind would change. No sale!

Starting with a question I asked her ‘why don’t mortuaries have half-buckets?’ She asked ‘half-buckets of what?’ and I admitted to knowing what they were used for, only that I sold them. So she asked why I was fighting in my sleep and I explained an idea that didn’t go over so well with the Mortician. It made perfect sense at the time yet looking back perhaps not. I really thought putting a Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise near the entrance would be a no brainer.

First off it would give the mortuary a whole new welcoming smell and one could grab a bite before going to visitation for weird Uncle Phil without drving all over town. Yeah, the mortician didn’t get it either. The wife still thinks I’m crazy and I didn’t help her assessment this morning when I saw a grocery store ad on the kitchen table.

I slapped the table and said ‘that’s it!’, if we sold Snicker’s in the KFC grumpy people could come in and get one then go to visitation with a better attitude. It works on TV. The dream didn’t seem weird to me but the wife has other ideas.

Enjoy the rest of our Saturday because in what will feel like a few hours Monday will be back. Now I need some coffee and a Snicker’s.
Comments are always welcome.


Fighting walls

February 11, 2019

Sometimes strange things happen at night. The wife had Saturday
night off and laid down early, I joined her around midnight. I
woke up around 1:30 am with my heart racing 100 miles-per-hour
and fists clenched. I looked over and noticed her sitting up so
asked her what got her up. “you” she replied.

I was confused until she added that I was grunting and making
strange noises while jerking about. I could see her confusion
so asked her if she had ever fought a wall. That got me the
granddaddy of all looks so I explained.

I dreamed I was outside on a beautiful summer day. There
wasn’t a cloud in the sky or a hint of wind. Then I glanced to
the west and saw some evil looking clouds moving in fast as the
wind picked up. So I ran inside and told her it was going to
rain.

That’s when something happened and I found myself glued to the
wall, near the ceiling, on top of the stove. So I fought, cussed,
and fought some more but couldn’t pull free. I felt like the wall
would grind me into dust.

And that’s when I woke up. Even though the wife is used to my
strange dreams she declared this one stranger than usual. Yet
I’ve been keeping my eye on that wall. It hasn’t tried anything
yet but I’m staying on my toes. I just wish I had gotten further
into the dream so I knew how to fight this invisible force.

Enjoy our Monday as it looks like we’ll be shoveling snow on
the east coast of Iowa.
Comments are always welcome.


Strange ending to Halloween

November 1, 2018

It’s somehow fitting to end Halloween with a nightmare. I just
should have stayed up. Things started pleasant enough with me
doing some wrenching on a ’50 Mercury I had bought and went to
hell in a handbasket quickly after that.

Taking the car for a test drive I was pulled over which was no
surprise as the open headers get attention, but there it got
strange. Another squard arrived and after being searched was
escorted to a very large house and marched inside.

Once the three of us reached the dining room I was released and
told to sit at the table. As I looked around at my table mates I
knew something was up. A judge, two members of the clergy, a
big monkey, my ex-wife, and more policemen sat around the room.

I was then told I was not under arrest but could not leave
until the reason for my being there was explained and
understood. And that’s when the dream got weird. It was stated
that reason for this dog and pony show was my ex-wife wanted to
marry me!

Since I had remarried, and had no intention of ending it, and
I knew the ex really didn’t want to marry me, I refused. The
judge tried to change my mind, the police made it clear they
weren’t happy, the clergy prayed, and the monkey scratched his
armpit. I just sat there.

I was then told my current wife wouldn’t take a large bribe to
let me go so I should just sign on the dotted line, be married
to my ex, and live in the big house. But I couldn’t do it and
said no again. Although the house was huge and the lot it
sat on enormous, it didn’t have a garage!

I was threatened with more days of the same until I agreed and
that’s when I woke up. One eye popped open as I glanced around
the familiar room and saw my current wife sleeping. I think the
dream means I should cut down on my hot sauce with my midnight
snack.

Enjoy our Thursday as Halloween is over and November is here.
Now for some more coffee and a stack of pancakes.
Comments are always welcome.


Dreaming

October 10, 2018

Last night, after eating my last pizza from the freezer, I had
a dream that has stuck with me all morning. A man on a street
corner was delivering a homily to a small crowd of people who
had gathered to hear what he had to say.

When I started listening he was talking of how we are not our
brothers keeper and shouldn’t help those who need help as that
isn’t being a christian or helpful to the downtrodden at all. He
added that helping those who were down on their luck but trying
to get themselves to a better place was the christian thing to
do.

He went on to say all the yelling, rioting, and violence over
simple disagreements were not what a christian should do. A
debate over beliefs should always be civil in nature and one
should be able to walk away, after a handshake with the opponent,
and no hard feelings.

I wasn’t sure where he was going with this or even if he was a
man of the cloth or just someone who felt strongly enough about
his beliefs to speak to whoever would listen. But his words made
me think for some time.

Then, a little later this morning, I was distracted again. I
found that if I held a tictacs box a certain way it would
reflect into my tactical flashlight and tiny dots would move
around the lens. This got me laughing as I enjoyed watching the
tiny dots of light until I felt eyes upon me and noticed the
wife giving me the look.

As I explained it to her it became clear she didn’t share my
fascination or glee. So I sat the tictacs down and came into
the office. And that’s how this story came about. That’s my
story and I’m sticking with it.

Enjoy our Wednesday as we will. I’ll just have to stay away
from the flashlight for a while and things will be fine.
Comments are always welcome.


Day dreaming

May 15, 2018

Sometimes I wonder about us. By us I mean humans and that
mysterious part of us called the brain. The fact that we can
still dream while basically unconscious amazes me. We are sound
asleep but can be wakened by noises, temperature change, and
bad dreams.

Sometimes when we sleep we have dreams that are so pleasant we
wake up with a grin and nightmares so bad we come up swinging.
Yet we sleep through it. As someone who remembers at least part
of these dreams or nightmares, I wake up thinking ‘where did
that come from’.

Some have dreams of falling yet never hit bottom, dreams of
being chased but never caught, and similar ones where we wake up
before we know for sure what happened. What would happen if we
did crash and burn? Would it kill us in our sleep or cause a
heart attack? I guess we’ll never know.

The pleasant dreams are another thing altogether. Meeting kin
who are no longer living, rainbow and unicorns type dreams. Have
you ever wondered why you have nice dreams? We do the same thing
most days yet when we rest we may have a dream or a nightmare.

These can occur even during a nap and not during regular
sleeping hours so it isn’t the length of the snooze that causes
dreams. One wonders; are these nocturnal events the result of
livening up a dull day, tamping down a wild one, or just part
of who we are?

We don’t know the answers but it does make one ponder on a day
that’s too wet to mow. Enjoy our Tuesday as we’re halfway
through the month. Now I need some coffee and a cheeseburger.
Comments are always welcome.