The end of our world

April 27, 2017

According to our local newspaper and group of our citizens
the world is in danger of ceasing to exist because one of our
Aldermen called homeless people “bums”. It does not seem that
long ago that the terms bum or tramp was common but in our
politically correct society today they must be referred to as
homeless people or displaced people. It makes one wonder what
happened to freedom of speech.

Then suddenly the city told the kitchen they had to close due
to a zoning violation after which the church hired an attorney
the city loves to hate to defend their religious right to feed
the homeless. We saw no mention of anyone investigating if the
city closed the establishment because of a vendetta or if an
actual human error occurred.

The paper even went so far as to say the Alderman said such
terrible things while wearing a shirt from a local Catholic
University but didn’t mention the University and the Alderman
share the same name. For all the good this city council member
has done it now looks like he may be remembered as the one who
called the homeless “bums”.

Although we don’t live in his ward, my Dad does. And when a
problem arose one contact with this Alderman resolved the
problem. Once again someone has become the spawn of Satan for
uttering a few simple words. There are much worse problems in
our city, state, country, and the world that should be talked
about. It’s almost like the people want the circus back in our
city government.

Time to get the camera out and find some wildlife. That makes
sense to me. Enjoy our Thursday, our rainy weekend will be
here before we know it.
Comments are always welcome.


Sunday snicker

April 22, 2017

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant – about 4 months, would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”

Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.

About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?”

The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”


Easter thoughts

April 17, 2017

Even Henry Wadsworth Longfellow had thoughts of Easter when he
penned the following:

Twas Easter Sunday
The full-blossomed trees
Filled all the air with
Fragrance and with joy.

Here on the east coast of Iowa we had just such a day with a
warm breeze rippling across the grass and causing the trees to
wave. But is it the weather and fragrance that makes us joyful
or is it Easter itself?

I do know that I am filled with enough ham and potato salad to
last me awhile. And even though it was a religious holiday, I
mowed the lawn again and detailed the car. Even chatted with a
long haul trucker who was visiting neighbors.

As happens sometimes, I even took time to read and as I was
doing that the Easter beagle dropped off goodie bags. Well,
actually Ronnie and Todd did. Along with the goodie bags was
what I at first looked like a piece of polished aluminum
diamond plate.

The cogs in the old braincase went into overdrive and I
thought of making a gauge panel out of it, until I picked it
up. Then I thought it was mat to set my laptop on. Wrong. The
wife snickered and told me it was an envelope and I should open
it. I had never seen a chrome envelope before and didn’t know
what to expect.

I was pleasantly surprised when I reached inside and pulled out
a birthday card. So I want to thank Ronnie and Todd for the
bag, the card, and a new shiny thing to play with.

Hope your Easter was a good one. We now are in into Monday
and that means only 4 more days to another weekend.
Comments are always welcome.


Easter Sunday Snicker

April 15, 2017

A perfect time to relate what the Bible says about the
internet.
—————————-

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply buying from you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).


Sunday snicker

April 8, 2017

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'” and he left.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH, COME ON!,” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”


Sunday snicker

April 1, 2017

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.

This happens yet again.

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. “I don’t mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?”

‘Tis odd, isn’t it?” the man replies, “You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond.”

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening – he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, “Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all…”

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, “You’ll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well… It’s just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent.”


Sunday snicker

March 25, 2017

There were two Catholic Boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways.

In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their Senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college and upon graduation became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world; but, it was generally acknowledged that Antonio was just a cut above Timothy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be either Timothy or Antonio who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney, and the world waited to see who they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio was beyond surprise, he was devastated, because even with all Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”

After a long silence, one old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered Antonio and rose to reply, “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called Pope Secola.