Sunday snicker

Father Pat and Father Mike were riding down the highway with Father Pat at the wheel. Mileage was being ticked off pretty well when suddenly a little rabbit jumped up onto the highway right in front of the car.

Father Pat did everything he could to miss the little bunny, he wrenched the wheel around, jammed on the brakes, and almost tipped the car over with his maneuvers, but to no avail….the rabbit was hit before the car could be stopped.

Both priests jumped out of the car, ran back to the rabbit to see if there was anything that could be done, but alas, it appeared that the rabbit was gone.

Father Pat pulled a bottle out of his pocket, sprinkled a few drops of the liquid on the rabbit, and instantly it jumped up and started waving vigorously.

Father Mike looked at Father Pat and said, “It’s a miracle!” The rabbit stood there and continued to wave at them. Since it appeared that nothing else was needed, the two priests returned to the car, and Father Pat continued down the road. Father Mike kept looking out the back window and, for as long as he could see the rabbit, it was still standing there and waving.

When the rabbit was out of sight, Father Mike sat back and considered the sequence of events. Finally he said, “Father Pat, just what was in that bottle?”

In response, Father Pat pulled the bottle out of his pocket once more and handed it to Father Mike who read the label:

“Hair Restorer with Permanent Wave”

Of full moons and unicorns

I had good intentions of doing an early post today but our
computer decided it didn’t want to work. So there I was, ideas
flowing from my brain like rainbows over a field of daffodils
and unicorns. Rabbits were scampering, deer eating fallen apples
from a nearby tree, and songbirds twilled from every branch.

That made me think of the full moon tomorrow night and Easter
on Sunday. The full moon tomorrow will be the second, and last,
blue moon this year. That hasn’t happened since 1999 and it
won’t occur again until 2037.

And Easter falls on April Fools Day this year. That begs some
questions. We all know about the Easter Beagle who leaves eggs
and treats under the kitchen table as we snooze: but will he
pull a trick and not leave treats this year?

The Easter Beagle could be a prankster who leaves eggs filled
with broccoli this year! It’s too horrible to think about. Of
course we haven’t had a visit from the Easter Beagle since the
kids moved out, but with our luck he’d stop by with eggs filled
with green vegetables. The wife would like that while I’d be
searching for the candy.

Yes the post is late again even though I tried. If you must get
mad at someone try the unicorns, rabbits, deer, birds and the
Easter Beagle. Enjoy our Friday as that means Easter weekend is
here. Now I’m headed for more coffee and the leftover pizza I
spotted earlier.
Comments are always welcome.

Take a moment

If you don’t get it, no words can explain. If you understand, no
words are needed.

Another day

My visit with the new doctor didn’t go as I expected yet ended
up bearable anyway. The new doctor never showed and I got to see
the old doctor instead. We talked of everything from how big the
flock of pelicans was this year to the fact he believes I now
have an allergy of some sort.

So I’ll be trying a nasal spray as soon as the prescription is
filled and see if it helps. I have never cared for these sprays
as the stuff that sprays in seems to go right to my brain and I
lose my train of thought. We’ll see.

I arrived home to a bunch of feral cats waiting to be fed and
every bird in the neighborhood chirping like they were hungry
also. It just doesn’t end. And when I finally came in the house
the wife wanted to hear that happened with the doctor. I just
need to get some lab work done in June, if I can remember that
far ahead.

I even learned something while waiting for the doctor in the
little room. On a dry erase board someone had written: You can
differentiate between an alligator and a crocodile by if you
see them later or in a while.

Enjoy the rest of our Wednesday as I know we will. Now for more
coffee and short break before the wife leaves for work.
Comments are always welcome.

Interesting day

It all started when the wife said something this morning at the
kitchen table. I asked her to repeat it and I heard ‘we need to
get some tea’. So my reply was that we had 3 boxes now so how many
do we need? Having been there before I knew by the look on her
face that what I heard was not what she said.

She turned her laptop around so I could see some pictures that
showed different uses for Peeps. You know, the sugar coated
marshmellows in the shape of a bird. So I aksed ‘what the hell
does Peeps have to do with tea?’

So she came back and replied that I needed a hearing aid for
my bad ear. We had been down this road so many times we both
know it well. But I reminded her that my left eardrum is only
good for gathering ear wax as I haven’t been able to hear out
of that ear for over 30 years.

So when I went over to visit to Dad this morning I asked what
he thought about me getting a hearing aid. He said ‘Don’t!
Sometimes you’re better off not hearing.’ I thought that was
good advice and since my hearing hasn’t come back after all
these years I’m going to take it.

Don’t know if we’re going to pick up some Peeps when we go to
the store Friday, but I’ll keep the wife on my right side. That
ear works and I won’t be accused of not paying attention. Sounds
like a plan. Tomorrow I go see another new doctor and will see
what he has to say about my health.

Enjoy what’s left of our Tuesday as we only get one this week.
Now I need more coffee to hold me over until my midnight pizza.
Comments are always welcome.

A look at a new day

After shoveling snow over the weekend and watching the race I
went back outside just in time for sunset. Once again the sky
looked to be on fire when glanced through the trees.

I also noticed the moon above when I turned around and thought
to get a picture of it too. Made it seem the perfect evening
with the exception of the wife telling me to stop tracking in
all the snow still on the ground.

Waking up I noticed the church highlighted with the eastern
sunrise and knew it was going to be another great day. We’re
almost used to the bells going off at all hours and now try to
figure out what tune the bells are playing.

While walking around I spied a squirrel up in the bushes and
wondered what turned him into a climber. He seemed to be on
high alert yet still looked strange nestled halfway up the
bushes.

The reason became apparent when I spotted the creature below
eyeing him like I do a good steak. Even though we do feed these
cats they do like the hunt. It turned out alright as the bushy
tailed squirrel got a head start and the cat gave up.

So when the chores are done it’s back outside to see what can
be seen. I have a feeling that will involve the camera, a quick
glance around for posing critters, and keeping an eye on the
clouds.

Yup, it’s going to be another great day on the east coast of
Iowa, even with the rain we’ll get later. Enjoy the pictures
and our Monday as I know we will. Now for more coffee and a
Snicker’s to have the energy to finish said chores.
Comments are always welcome.

Little Johnny snicker

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curios. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he’s not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick…. a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!

“Anyway”, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go… I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel… I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn’t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats…. they have nine lives or something.

This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis’s boyfriend peel of the skin and flush it down the toilet.

Mother fainted.

Sunday snicker

A Rabbi, Hindu priest and tele-evangelist are driving through the country when their car breaks down. They walk to a farmhouse and ask the farmer if they can have shelter for the night. He says yes but explains that there is only room enough in the house for two of them, someone will have to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu priest says he will do it and walks out to the barn. A few minutes later there is a knock at the farmhouse door. The farmer opens it and the Hindu is standing there. He explains that there is a cow in the barn and because cows are holy to him he can’t sleep in its presence.

The Rabbi hears this and states that he will gladly take his place and leaves. A few minutes later he too returns explaining that there is a pig in the barn and his religion prohibits him from associating with what they consider an unclean animal.

The tele-evangelist says that he’ll go sleep in the barn and leaves. A few minutes later there’s a knock at the door. The farmer opens it and sees the cow and the pig…

Irony

On this, the 4th day of spring, we here on the east coast of
Iowa are under a winter storm watch. Those who guess how much
white fluffy love from above ends up on the ground are saying
between 6 and 12+ inches of snow and we even had thunder-snow.

Which means either Mother Nature really is bi-polar, God does
have a sense of humor, or both. At any rate, when this is done
I’ll be out shoveling and enjoying the wonder of a new snow. The
snow is covering the plants that were just beginning to poke
through the ground while everything looks fresh.

By the middle of next week the snow will be a memory and the
wet roads testament to the fickle nature of weather. Shortly we
will be in tornado season so lawn chairs will be checked to
ensure they still hold our weight in case one gets close.

We may as well enjoy it because we can’t change it. Enjoy our
Saturday as we’ll do another snicker post later in the day. Now
I need some coffee and chili-mac to prepare for the shoveling
ahead.
Comments are always welcome.

Friday funny

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”