Getting ready

Fitness should be important to us senior citizens. If we stay
in shape we could run faster than those not in shape and the
bear would eat them instead. So I’ve added the information
below to help those over 55 stay in shape.

And we’re not sure how things are going to work out, but I
have been chosen for jury duty starting tomorrow morning. We
may have to post later in the day or super early. We’ll have
to see how things work out.

I did notice something on the jury notice that either wasn’t
there before or was missed. The statement reads: “Due to the
possibility that persons involved in the trial may be allergic
to fragrances, prospective jurors are requested to report for
jury duty without wearing any colognes, perfume or scented body
lotions.”

Having checked the number given to ensure I was needed the
reality of the above message hit me. Jurors 001-350 were told
to report for jury duty which means 350 unscented people are
going to be cooped up in some sort of room until selected or
sent home.

And when I leave the house I always have my cell phone, a
pocket camera, a notebook and pen, a flashlight, a multi-tool,
a knife, and cigarettes and lighter on my person. None of these
are allowed inside our court house. That means all the above
mentioned articles end up in the console of the car until I
return. No e-book readers are allowed either.

I’ll do my civic duty as in the past knowing I’ll be safe
after going through the metal detector and leaving my kit in
the car. Enjoy the rest of our Sunday as the work week is only
a dream away.
Comments are always welcome.

Sunday snicker

Three guys are at the gates of Heaven, and God tells them, “We have a special today! If you died a terrible death, you’re in for free.”

So God asks the first guy his story. “I was a hard working man and a loving husband, but I began to suspect that my wife was cheating on me. One day, I called in sick to work and left for home to hide and closely watch my apartment. I saw a man go in, and I decided to wait a few minutes to catch them in the act. Then, I started banging on my door. They wouldn’t open it, so I broke down the door and walked in to see my wife sitting naked, but the man wasn’t in sight.

I went to the balcony, where I saw a naked man hanging on the edge. I began to stomp on his hands until he fell down, but there were bushes, so I got my fridge and tossed it on him. In the process of tossing the fridge, I also fell over and died.”

God replies, “Wow, that’s pretty bad, finding out your wife cheated and falling off your balcony. You pass.”

The second guy says, “God, my only crime was that I enjoyed dancing naked in my apartment while eating pickles out of the jar. I was doing just that one day, when I slipped on a pickle and fell over my balcony.

Luckily, I was able to grab on to the ledge below mine. After a few minutes, a man came and I thought he was going to rescue me, but he began to stomp on my hands. I fell, but luckily, I fell into the bushes. I thought I had survived, but that man threw a fridge at me and I died!”

God replies, “Wow, that’s very cruel, being crushed to death.”

The third man says, “I died naked in a fridge.”

Just two things

The weekend is upon us, we’re edging closer to summer, and car
shows are beginning to pop up. We’ll mention a couple here. The
Vintage Torquefest 2017 is next weekend May 5-6 at the Dubuque
County Fairgrounds in Dubuque, Iowa. John always puts on a
great show and this year is no exception.

Friday is a backroads country cruise to the Potosi Brewery,
mini-bike races on the dirt track, show cars on the dirt track,
a flat track motorcycle exhibition, dirty drags, chain racing,
and flame throwing cars after dark.

Saturday sees mini bikes in the back forty, flat track
motorcycle practice, mini bike and go kart exhibition, the pin
up contest, car owners showcase on the track, more dirty drags,
flat track motorcycle races, an art auction, jalopy heat laps
on the track, and of course bands, vendors, and a swap meet
both days.

All this makes it a fun show and proceeds go to Helping
Hannahs Heart.

The other event is the 33rd Annual Spring Auto Parts Swap
Meet and Car Corral held Sunday, May 7 at the fairgrounds
parking lot, 700 N. Maple Street in Monticello, Iowa. The event
runs from 7:30 am to 1 pm and is open to high performance,
custom, stock, and antique cars and parts.

Monticello also hosts a Rod and Custom Car Show that will be
held February 25-26, 2018. Now you know. We’ll leave it there
and hope you enjoy our weekend. It’s been raining here, but we
all know it has to rain to get a rainbow.
Comments are always welcome.

The end of our world

According to our local newspaper and group of our citizens
the world is in danger of ceasing to exist because one of our
Aldermen called homeless people “bums”. It does not seem that
long ago that the terms bum or tramp was common but in our
politically correct society today they must be referred to as
homeless people or displaced people. It makes one wonder what
happened to freedom of speech.

Then suddenly the city told the kitchen they had to close due
to a zoning violation after which the church hired an attorney
the city loves to hate to defend their religious right to feed
the homeless. We saw no mention of anyone investigating if the
city closed the establishment because of a vendetta or if an
actual human error occurred.

The paper even went so far as to say the Alderman said such
terrible things while wearing a shirt from a local Catholic
University but didn’t mention the University and the Alderman
share the same name. For all the good this city council member
has done it now looks like he may be remembered as the one who
called the homeless “bums”.

Although we don’t live in his ward, my Dad does. And when a
problem arose one contact with this Alderman resolved the
problem. Once again someone has become the spawn of Satan for
uttering a few simple words. There are much worse problems in
our city, state, country, and the world that should be talked
about. It’s almost like the people want the circus back in our
city government.

Time to get the camera out and find some wildlife. That makes
sense to me. Enjoy our Thursday, our rainy weekend will be
here before we know it.
Comments are always welcome.

Alrighty then

Due to some recent events I’ve been pondering a few things so
when I went outside and witnessed the question mark in the sky.
It brought a smile, but I’m going to vent a little anyway.

None of my questions have been answered yet, and perhaps
never will be, but it makes one wonder. There are people among
who don’t care for other people, emit a perceived pleasant
personality in our presence, and feel the need to bad mouth us
behind our backs like we are a demon from the deepest depths
of Hades.

I’ve been trying to decide if said plastic people do this to
us as a means to shame us into changing or enrage us to a feud.
While I’m sorry my impulsive, seemingly chaotic lifestyle bothers
you so much, after 66 years of surviving by my rules and not
yours, things won’t change.

You must believe things are perfect in your little portion of
the world while mine is not. So I have a news flash for you.
I will keep on keeping on so give it your best shot. Those who
really know me will inwardly giggle at said accusations and
those that don’t might believe them.

This is exactly why I don’t care for most social functions.
Those I prefer to associate with aren’t afraid to a address an
issue to my face instead of spreading it through the grapevine.
If you need more fodder you could also tell everyone I beat
the puppy I don’t have and argued with a priest once.

Posting will go back to as normal as it gets here tomorrow. We
hope you enjoy or Wednesday, and don’t worry. They’ll be another
one next week.
Comments are always welcome.

How not to die

There has been a little drama around the place lately so when
the chores were done it was time for reading. When I came upon
the Old Farmer’s Almanac newsletter, I hit paydirt. Their post
is called “100 Ways To Avoid Dying”.

The claim is the list was compiled by students of folklore
and anthropology based on beliefs from all over the U.S. of A.
Some of these make no sense to us while others do and we’ll
share a few here.

For instance, we couldn’t figure out how placing a broom on a
bed could be fatal or how you would live longer if you kept
your cats off the piano keys. That one’s easy for us as we
don’t have a piano.

Another one that made no sense to us is never carry a peacock
feather into a house. Do others keep their jealous peacocks in
the house?

We wondered what part of the country number 30 came from
which says never wear another’s new clothes before they have
worn them. Although I would imagine breaking into someone
elses house and trying on their clothes might get you shot.

39 states- be sure that someone else cooks your birthday
dinner.

42 says don’t sing in bed, but one could see where that act
may enrage an insomniac.

50 I do every year. It says absolutely no haircuts in March.
That could be how I made it to 66.

52 left the wife and I scratching our heads. It states- don’t
let two people comb your hair at once.

81- never sell a dog.

But our favorite is number 100- Whatever you do, don’t let a
lizard count your teeth. I don’t think that will be a problem.
If you wish to see the entire list, use the link above. Enjoy
our Tuesday, before we know it Wednesday will be here.
Comments are always welcome.

Did you know?

WD-40 was invented in 1953 at the Rocket Chemical Company in
San Diego. It was the 40th attempt at making a lubricant that
would stop rust on missiles. And there is nothing in WD-40 that
is harmful or caustic. In case you didn’t know, the main
ingredient in WD-40 is fish oil.

It also has uses other than loosening tight bolts. If you
somehow get over-spray, or graffiti on your vehicle, WD-40 will
remove the new paint and not harm the old.

WD-40 will also-

protect silver from tarnishing

remove road tar off car bodies

lubricate guitar strings

clean chalkboards

remove lipstick stains, and tomato stains from clothes

stop water spots on shower doors

remove scuff marks from hard floors

take squished bugs off the front of your vehicle

restore padded leather dashboards

stop squeaks in electric fans

clean grease splatters from the stove-top

keep bathroom mirrors from fogging

repel pigeons as they hate the smell

remove duct tape residue

it attracts fish and can be sprayed on live bait

help ease itching with fire ant bites

take crayon marks off walls

and a lot more.

We buy it in the gallon size and put it in spray bottles. For
a bonus tip, if you get tar on your pants spray the area with
this stuff and leave it set a while before washing. When you
take the pants out of the washer, the tar is gone.

Enjoy our Monday. We have to get ready for Tuesday anyway.
Now I leave in search of food as it has been a busy day.
Comments are always welcome.

Another day

As the sun set on a beautiful day I thanked the Lord for being
willing to allow me another sunset. The creek didn’t rise, the
birds were singing, and the flowers were blooming.

A little earlier while doing research something interesting
came up. Interesting to me at least. My camera of choice is a
a Nikon D3300 which is has a crop sensor. I also understand the
basics of ‘crop factor’.

The Nikon has an APS-c sensor and a crop factor of 1.5. That
means that because the sensor is smaller than the 35mm standard
that one multiplies the lens length by 1.5. Meaning when using
my 70-300mm lens what I see in the viewfinder is equal to 105-
450mm on a full frame camera, if I understand things correctly.

If that is true and I add a 2x tele-converter, instead of
giving me 140-600mm, it would be equal to 210-900mm using the
crop factor. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad
thing, but I like the camera.

After perusing many forums and sites on the internet and being
more confused than ever I have come the conclusion that using
what works for me is the best route. Since this is a hobby for
me and not a career, sinking tons of money into equipment isn’t
my goal.

When, and if, I get back in the mood to do more research my
thoughts may change on the subject. But as the wife says, I
have to quit living in the 60s because prices went up. Don’t
know about you, but I kinda liked gas at 25.9 cents a gallon.

Enjoy the rest of our Sunday, the work week is only a dream
away. And now I go in search of the elusive bacon cheeseburger
pizza.
Comments are always welcome.

Sunday snicker

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant – about 4 months, would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”

Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.

About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?”

The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”

Stranger than fiction

I ran across a couple stories lately that had me shaking my
head. One was local and the other, regional. So let’s put my
thoughts out there and see what happens.

One of our Aldermen caused an uproar of sorts when he was
quoted saying the following “the homeless are bad for business”.
Or something close. Our local newspaper was outraged.

How could he say such a thing? How can he not feel sympathy
towards the downtrodden? Or words to that effect. Well, it
wasn’t that long ago we called them bums. Back when the
greatest generation was our age they didn’t mince words.

And whatever happened to freedom of speech? Today, just
because he says something others don’t like he gets put on the
10 most wanted list? I’d be willing to bet the writers from the
newspaper live nowhere near the area mentioned and wouldn’t
want the homeless congregating in their neighborhood either.

The other item concerns higher education in Wisconsin. At some
colleges they installed tampon dispensers in the mens bathrooms
in an effort to give equal treatment to all.

That got me so flustered I couldn’t talk, the wife laughing
so hard at my dilemma, it was crazy. This brought on a
discussion I never thought I’d have.

So I started with “there isn’t a man alive who needs tampons”.

The wife stated that a transgender man, who used to be a
woman, but hasn’t had the final operation would. Lord love a
duck.

So I countered “there isn’t a man alive who needs a tampon”.
During war time I supposed said sanitary items could be used
to stop heavy bleeding but I don’t believe Wisconsin has a war
on its college campuses.

I must be getting old. The more I follow the news the less I
understand. Enjoy our Friday, the weekend is upon us. Now I’m
making a thick salami sandwich to ease my suffering.
Comments are always welcome.