In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure
to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a
temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the
cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Then God said, “Let there be light!”
Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light
would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about
thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come
from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional
permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result
from the ball of fire, and that he would obtain a building
permit and to conserve energy, He would have the light out
half the time. God agreed and offered to call the light “Day”
and the darkness “Night”. The officials replied that they
were not interested in semantics.
God said, “Let the earth put forth vegetation, plant
yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit.”
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, “Let the waters bring forth swarms of living
creatures, and let birds fly above the earth.”
The officials pointed out that this would require approval
from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly
Wildlife Federation and the Audubon Society. Everything was
okay until God said the project would be completed in six
days. The officials said it would take at least two hundred
days to review the applications and the impact statement.
After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would
be ten to twelve months before…
At this point God created Hell.