In A Redneck Church
1. People ask, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
2. The pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” and then five guys and two women stand up.
3. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
4. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
5. The choir is known as the “OK Chorale.”
6. Boone’s Farm “Tickle Pink” is the favorite wine for communion.
7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
8. Baptism is referred to as “branding”.
9. There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
10. Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable.
11. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
12. People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
13. The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, ya hear?” (banjo accompaniment optional)