The raccoon epiphany

bandit

After getting an estimated 4 to 5.5 inches of rain
in four hours I have had a busy day getting rid of
the water that liked our basement better than our
yard.

After I got the wife off to work last night I
laced up my tennis shoes and headed toward the
basement to remove the unwanted water. Just as I
reached the top step I heard a crash coming from
the basement.

I thought the water must be higher than it looked
and something floated into something else and had
caused the noise. Turned out a flourescent light I
had leaned against my workbench fell over.

Then I heard another noise with my one good ear
and knew I wasn’t alone. Whatever was hissing at me
was not another human. So I grabbed my flashlight
and started shining it around the room until it lit
upon two beady little eyes and a mouth full of
sharp looking teeth where the foundation met the
floor.

Attitude took over I was ready to fight it when
reasoning stepped in and said “if it has teeth like
that and it’s hissing it may bite”. So I retreated
to the rear to find something to equalize myself
and the teeth. I grabbed my 12 guage but quickly
decided between the noise and the damage it would
cause there were better choices.

Then I grabbed my Colt 45 revolver but thought if I
miss the round could ricochet and I would probably
lose hearing in my good ear. So I grabbed my Stan
Musial baseball bat and was ready.

Already envisioning a demon from the depths of
hell I wondered if the ball bat would help. Turns
out it didn’t. Too much duct work off the furnace
and the wet floor quickly had me on my butt and the
critter was still hissing.

Retreating again I finally was able to determine
the culprit was a good size raccoon and it could
stay where it was provided it let me pump the water
out of the basement. It did, I did, and the water
is out.

Tomorrow I go in search of a trap so I can get it
and let it loose in the wild. And maybe a bazooka
with a silencer.
Comments are always welcome.

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11 Responses to The raccoon epiphany

  1. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Personally I love the bazooka with a silencer route. But people call me extreme when dealing with unwanted animals… -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

  2. ekurie says:

    bait the trap with cat food. It worked for me with a skunk that needed to be relocated.

  3. I can understand your dire situation. I once was going to sneak up on this bear in my yard at my dumpster and take a close up picture. I had my camera in hand. I got to the third tree and then I thought. Hmm, Donna, that bear could eat me. I reversed my plan. i carefully walked back to my house.

  4. cruisin2 says:

    Opinionated Man,
    thanks for the reblog. Glad you liked the post.

    ekurie,
    I’ll try that. With 3 cats we should have enough cat food to bait it.

    ladydonnalands,
    we’re told we have more critters in town than the farmers do.. Glad
    you got away.

  5. Tricia says:

    Funny post! I get raccoons all the time, they come in right through the cat door although they must be great shape shifters because they look four times as big as that door. They usually don’t come in when I’m home but once I caught one by surprise in the kitchen. I screamed and he looked at me like “why aren’t you making me a sandwich?” Arghhhh!

  6. cruisin2 says:

    Tricia,
    thank you. We don’t have a pet door and are still trying to figure out how it got there.

  7. it’s sooo wonderful.. ā™„

  8. Ellen Hawley says:

    I’ve moved from the US to the UK, so no raccoons here, but we do get birds flying in through open windows (Screens are as scarce as raccoons; don’t ask me why.) I’ve often wondered why the little devils are smart enough to find their way in but not smart enough to find their way out.

  9. Brittius says:

    Fishy cat food in a one-way cage trap.
    You could also audition for some kind of “Grizzly Adams-type”, nature show.
    Then again, you just might have the urge, for “vittles”. šŸ˜‰

  10. rixlibris says:

    Funny. My last encounter with a ‘coon set me back $1000. Late night, country road, the critter decided to play speed bump. Raccoon one, Nissan zero. And why do they call that plastic bit across the front of a car a”bumper”? Maybe that’s to tell you what not to do to it. Stay dry.

  11. cruisin2 says:

    TopInteresting,
    thank you.

    Ellen Hawley,
    no screens? That would take some getting used to.

    Brittius,
    I’ll try it. No nature show or vittles for us. At least as long as I have
    pizza.

    rixlibris,
    thank you. They don’t make cars like they used to.

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