Breaking the code

There are those who think we speak in code because
they don’t understand what we’re saying and I always
think if we have to explain they wouldn’t understand.
So for those who don’t know any redneck terms we’ll
share a few.

If you’re visiting a redneck and he says “Don’t
let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya”
you may have worn out your welcome.

We have sayings for folks we believe are wealthy-

He’s richer than 3 feet up a bull’s butt.

They’re so rich they buy a new boat every time the
old one gets wet.

If we think you’re poor we may say-

They’re too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.

They’re so poor they don’t have a pot to pee in
or a window to throw it out of.

Being polite people we don’t point out ugly people,
we quietly whisper-

He’s so ugly he’d make a freight train take a dirt
road.

He’s uglier than my granddaddy’s beer belly at a
redneck wedding.

If you’re dimwitted we might say-

If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to
saddle a june bug.

He’s so dumb he could throw himself on the ground
and miss.

He’s more confused than a turtle on the center
stripe.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough
to blow your own nose.

we’ll finish with some odds and ends-

I couldn’t get nailed in a workshop.

About as sexy as socks on a billy goat.

He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.

I’m as dry as a nun’s nasty.

He’s as much fun as a warm bucket of calf slobber.

It’s colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady
side of an iceberg.

It’s hotter than 40 acres of burning stumps.

And finally….

Just call me butter ’cause I’m on a roll.

We hope this helps clear up the confusion.
Comments are always welcome.