I no longer want to get buried naked

For a while during my lifetime I told people I
wanted to be buried naked with my butt sticking
out of the casket. When asked why I would reply
that big shots wanted me to kiss their kiester
for years so they can kiss mine when I was leaving.

A trip to the Emergency Room today changed that
train of thought. Wearing a hospital gown, having
wires and tubes coming out all over, and being
wheeled around in a skinny bed for tests is a bit
humbling.

After explaining some of my scars, several blood
tests, an EKG, an X-ray, breathing treatments,
several nurses and a doctor coming into the room, I
was told the problem was I couldn’t breathe and my
blood pressure was a little high.

In the mean time, I noticed what my once supple
body had become. My arms looked like they were
covered in chicken skin. Pale and dotted with little
bumps. I could only imagine what my backside
would look like.

So with this new knowledge, and the fact that some
may mistake my body in this position as claim to
radical Islam, I no longer wish to buried naked.

My new wardrobe will be a long-sleeved street
racing t-shirt, my favorite welding helmet and
gloves, and a pair of Wrangler’s.

I’d like to thank my wife for bugging me enough to
make me go this morning, the good Lord for not
taking me yet, and the E.R. staff who had to put up
with this old gearhead.
Comments are always welcome.

Sunday snicker

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex
was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the
foyer of the church.

The plaque was covered with names, and small American
flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for
some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the
boy, and said quietly, “Good morning Alex.”
“Good morning pastor,” replied the young man, still
focused on the plaque.

“Pastor McGhee, what is this?” Alex asked. “Well, son,
it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died
in the service.”

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex’s voice was barely audible when he asked, “Which
service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?”

The big 2-5

Happy Birthday Kenny! Our son is 25 years young
today and the wife and I can’t figure out where
the time went. Seems like only last year I was
strapping him in a child seat to cruise around
when he couldn’t sleep.

Keep chasing the dream.
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Comments are always welcome.

We’re back

We survived Thanksgiving, I think, Now that I am
on the mend regular posting should resume. With
that said, let’s get to the point of this post.

We’ve all heard and seen the events going on in
Ferguson, Missouri and have heard the opinions of
both sides. You may remember it all started on
August 9th when a policeman shot an unarmed
teenager.

The riots broke out after a grand jury wouldn’t
indict the officer. And it wasn’t a typical grand
jury for the state either.

Typically, a Missouri grand jury case is presented
in one day. In this case they jury met 25 times
over a three month period.

Typically, a Missouri grand jury case provides a
range of charges and asks the grand jury to indict
on on or all of them. In this case there were no
charges.

Typically testimony is heard from a few people,
usually investigators. In this case 60 witnesses
gave testimony.

Usually the grand jury doesn’t hear from the
accused, in this case Officer Wilson testified for
4 hours.

And under Missouri law, grand jury activity is
usually secret. Again, in this case evidence and
testimony was released to the public after the
‘grand jury decided not to indict.

Yet riots broke out, buildings and squad cars were
burnt, and looting was rampant. Funny thing is,
none of those doing the damage looked like they
were starving or homeless.
Comments are always welcome.

Thanksgiving wish

Happy Thanksgiving! We wish you food enough for
all, family to fill the house, and weather nice
enough to enjoy every moment.

Short update

Well, we’re a day late and dollar short getting
something written. The last two days have felt like
the truck in the following video.

That’s right, they just never seem to end. It all
started with the wife saying ‘I think I’m coming
down with a cold’. Of course she got over hers
almost immediately and I’m still trying to catch my
breath.

We did see this video showing a huge herd of elk
in Montana crossing the road.

We’ve all heard of flash mobs, but how about the
world’s oldest flash mob?

And how about if we some money saving tricks that
can be watched in under 2 minutes? Sounds like a
plan to us.

We’ll finish with an old Merle Haggard standard.

That’s all for now.
Comments are always welcome.

Sunday snickers

—————————-

Visiting his grandparents, a small boy
opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old
pages.

Suddenly, something fell out. He picked
it up and found that it was an old leaf
that had been pressed flat between the
pages.

“Mama, look what I found,” he called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother
asked.”

With astonishment in his voice, the boy
answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!
—————————-
Comments are always welcome.

A little humor

We’ve been busier than a cat covering crap today
and haven’t had time to do a proper post. So we’ll
share a joke. If you’re heard it you may still
chuckle and if you haven’t we hope you do chuckle.
———————————-

On their way to the church to get married, a young
Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

Being good Catholics, the young couple found
themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting
for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they began to wonder: could they
possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.

St Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time
anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” And he left
them sitting at the Gate.

After three months, St Peter finally returned,
looking somewhat bedraggled.

“Yes,” he informed the couple. “I can get you
married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple “But we were just
wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could
we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

“You must be bloody joking” said St. Peter,
red-faced with frustration, slamming his
clipboard on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted. “It took
me three months to find a priest up here…..
Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me
to find a lawyer?
—————————–

And that’s a based on a true story a friend shared with us.
Comments are always welcome.

The numbers are out

And now, the real numbers…

The FBI has released their Uniform Crime Reports
for 2013, and it looks like crime is down again.

If you click on the Violent Crime link, you get a
definition, a summery of how they collect data, and
and Overview. There are also more links on the
page, but we’ll mention the overview here.

The FBI definition of violent crimes are murder
and non-negligent manslaughter, rape, robbery, and
aggravated assault, followed by the property crimes
of burglary, larceny-theft, and motor vehicle
theft. Arson is not included.

In 2013, an estimated 1,163,146 violent crimes
occurred nationwide, a decrease of 4.4% from the
2012 estimate.

There were an estimated 367.9 violent crimes per
100,000 inhabitants in 2013, a rate that declined
5.1% when compared with the 2012 estimated rate.
(See Tables 1 and 1a.)

Aggravated assaults accounted for 62.3% of violent
crimes reported to law enforcement in 2013. Robbery
offenses accounted for 29.7% of violent crime
offenses; rape (legacy definition) accounted for
6.9%, and murder accounted for 1.2% (Based on
Table 1).

Information collected regarding types of weapons
used in violent crimes showed that firearms were
used in 69.0% of the nation’s murders, 40.0% of
robberies, and 21.6% of aggravated assaults.
(Weapons data are not collected for rape.) (See
Expanded Homicide Data Table 7, Robbery Table 3,
and the Aggravated Assault Table.)

Here are some highlights from another page:

During 2013, law enforcement made and estimated
11,302,102 arrests (including 480,360 for violent
crimes and 1,559,284 for property crimes). The
highest number of arrests were for drug abuse
violations (estimated at 1,501,043), larceny-theft
(estimated at 1,231,580), and driving under the
influence (estimated at 1,666,824).

There were an estimated 14,196 murders last year.
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You can go to the link provided and check the
figures for yourself if you wish. We are still
looking into this and will post more at a later
date.
Comments are always welcome.

Strange days

It almost feels like the flying monkeys of mayhem
have invaded our domicile. Either that or gremlins
have taken over our computer and the monkeys are
working on the garage.

Yesterday, after being on the information highway,
I logged off and thought no more about it. When I
tried to get back on later the monkeys started
laughing and the information highway disappeared.

And after a few hours of trying to find the lost
information highway last night I went to sleep and
dreamed of…monkeys!

I dreamed a bunch of noise was coming from the
back of the house so I jumped up and grabbed a
weapon before running to the back window. To my
complete surprise I saw both doors, and the wall,
of the garage covered in monkeys wearing red vests
and red hats that looked like upside down flower
pots with straps.

Well that doesn’t happen too often on the eastern
shore of Iowa so I had to investigate. The little
buggers egged me on and dared me to shoot. Before
the matter could be resolved, I woke up.

Of course I ran through the house, weapon in hand,
to the back window for a look. At nothing. No funny
monkeys, no vests, no hats, just the garage.

The internet may be back up on the computer, but
I get the strangest feeling these monkeys are
watching me while laughing.

On the bright side, I did discover the computer
glitch and am back in the bucket seat again.

Comments are always welcome.