Worst ever

In our ongoing quest to find the unusual, we spent
a long time trying to find the worst Holloween joke
ever. After hours of groaning we believe we have
found the winner. Enjoy-

Foggy Halloween night

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night…
when behind him he hears:

Bump…. BUMP… BUMP….

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he
makes out the image of an upright casket banging its
way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the
casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens
the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind
him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with
the lid of the casket clapping clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP…

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself
in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his
breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH
the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping
toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and,
The coffin stops.

Comments are always welcome.

Trick or treat tips

In the spirit of Halloween, we decided to help everyone
safely enjoy the weekend. If you are younger, don’t go out
alone, cross the street at intersections, and let your
parents look over the candy before you eat it.
If you are older, please see below.

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your
balance and fall over.

6. People say: “Great Boris Karloff Mask,” And you’re not
wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” And can’t
remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining
orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge
your hairpiece.

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a
walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or
Treating…

1. You keep having to go home to pee.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Comments are always welcome.

A new show?

Since our recycle bin is full of political mailers we
decided to do a post about cars today. We just heard
about this TV show and thought we’d share what we know.

If you’re into the car hobby you have heard of rat rods.
Some of us have even said that nobody has a description
of what a rat rod is. Well, thanks to a new show on a TV
channel I’d never heard of before, we do.

RatRod Television is shown on the Resort and Residence channel. On Direct TV that is channel 354. The half hour show runs Sunday at 10:30 pm, and again on Thursday at 9:00 pm.

In the episode we watched last night, it was stated that
the rat rod movement started back in 1993 in Las Vegas. The
guy went on to say that an original rat rod, back then, was
a traditional 40s, 50s, or 60s rod in primer. Now just about
anything that gets shot with flat black is called a rat rod.

If you’re into rat rods, and you have access to the channel,
it may be worth your time to take a look. It is hosted by
someone called ‘Ms Redd’ and features different builders and
cars. You can even sign up to win a nice welder on their web
page.
Comments are always welcome.

Election rant

The election is almost here and we hope everyone votes.
As citizens of the greatest country in the world we have a duty
to do so. It is our right, and we should use it.

During the elections politicians are never shy about telling
us how they have our best interest at heart. The only problem
with that line of thinking is that facts get in the way.

Some proclaim we need more regulation to set things straight.
Then why have they put over 51,000 new regulations on the books
since 1995?

This administration believes government should run our banks
and health care system. Some of us think they have too many
agencies now. How about the fact we have 541 clean air, water,
and waste programs in 29 different agencies? Or that we have 40
different job training programs led by 7 different federal
agencies? And 50 different programs to help the homeless which
are administered by at least 8 different federal agencies.

Some say they want to restructure the government to make it a
leaner, meaner, money saving machine. This isn’t a new idea and
has been tried several times in the past. In 1905, Teddy Roosevelt
created the Keep Commission, in 1911 Howard Taft created the
President’s Commission on Economy and Efficiency, in 1964 and
again in 1966 Lyndon Johnson created the Task Forces on
Governmental Reorganization, in 1969 Richard Nixon created the
Advisory Council on Government Organization, in the 1970s Jimmy
Carter created the Reorganization Project, in 1982 Ronald Reagan
created the Grace Commission, and in 1993 Bill Clinton created
the National Partnership for Reinventing Government.

Then, as if to prove how much they care about us, they adjourned
to campaign instead of working to extend the Bush tax cuts. If
allowed to expire it would be a hard hit for many working Americans.

This, and a lot more, are the reasons we need to vote on Tuesday.
If you believe the national debt is a myth then by all means vote
accordingly. If you believe we’re heading down the wrong path
and spending our country into oblivion, you must vote also. And if
you’ve been too busy, or aren’t interested in politics you should vote.
Comments are always welcome.

Odd thoughts

We now have the portable garage frame back together. We
still have a few sheet metal screws and the tarp to add, but
that can wait until tomorrow. Hopefully the wind will die down
and we can get the tarp stretched over the frame without
being lifted off the ground by the wind.

In a rare moment that I had the TV on a local channel, I
could have sworn I heard our Mayor say the sprayground is
a go and should be done next year. I don’t remember the
City Council passing the measure, but since our TV is off
more than on, I guess it did. Still seems like a waste of money
to me.

The election is less than a week away, and we wish it were
tomorrow. The candidates have been all over our TV, radio,
telephone, and even our mailbox. We can only hope it grinds
to a halt after Tuesday.

We have noticed our President going back to the ‘Republicans
drove us into the ditch’ mode, and has now added that this
election is about his agenda. Since the Democrats have had
the majority in the House and Senate for 4 years, and he has
been President for about 2; isn’t it about time he finds a new
catch phrase?

It shouldn’t take 2 years to get the car out of the ditch Mr.
President. An average American would go looking for someone
with a tractor or truck, and a chain. With this combination the
car would be out the ditch, and back on the road, in a matter
of minutes.
Comments are always welcome.

Windy days

You have to love living here to live here. Earlier we were looking
out the window keeping an eye out for falling trees, big pieces of
litter, or characters from the Wizard of Oz. We didn’t see any of
the above fly by, so we left the window seat and got busy with
other things.

We decided to go to Wally World to purchase a digital antenna. It
didn’t take long as the store only had two models. After returning
home I installed the new antenna and everything worked great. We
can now watch the TV in the kitchen without needing a stepladder to
constantly move the old antenna.

Then a little later we heard a crash and thought the worse. We do
have a lot of old trees in the neighborhood and assumed one decided
it wanted to be set free. That was when our son said the garage blew
down. I found out he meant the portable garage we put up about 8
years ago.

It has a frame of metal tubing with a tarp over that to protect a
vehicle from the weather. When we went outside to investigate, it
looked like a tornado had gone through. Pieces of the frame were
all over the yard and the tarp was torn to shreds. Surprisingly,
not one piece hit the house or the 40′ Plymouth.

We gathered all the torn tarps and then went to work collecting
more pieces that I remember being involved with putting the little
shed together. As soon as the wind dies down we’ll put the frame
back together and put a new tarp over it. This time we might just
put some sheet metal screws in the frame.

Often it has been asked and wondered ‘Why?’ is it that Conservatives
are called the “Right” and Liberals are called the “Left”?

The Bible provides the answer in: Ecclesiastes 10:2
” The Heart of the Wise inclines to the Right,
but the Heart of the Fool to the Left.”
Comments are always welcome.

Planning a party

We don’t know about you, but at our house we’ll probably
have a party after the election. We have been bombarded
with robo-calls from politicians we’ve never met, who
claim they want to work for us, and when elected won’t
contact for another two years.

Our recycle bin is overflowing with mailers from these
politicians, and watching local TV without seeing an ad
from these same people has proven impossible. The only
thing they all have in common is the hope that we buy the
bull they’re shipping.

We have heard about all the greedy companies, we’ve also
heard some would like us to de-evolve, and that capitalism
has failed. We have a problem with all of the above.

When did it become criminal to make money? Back in the
day we respected the wealthy as they gave us hope that we
might be able to join their ranks.

The idea that we don’t need our air-conditioners in
the summer, should turn our heat way down in the winter, and
sell our cars to buy a bicycle is ludicrous. Whats next,
a solar panel for our caves to run our clean electric stoves?

I also don’t see how capitalism can fail. By design, capitalism
is a self-sustaining entity. It cannot be broken, fixed, altered,
over-taxed, or over-regulated without becoming something else.
It is not a guarantee of wealth, but a system that allows us
to try.

It gives us the tools to make money, save for retirement,
and live a certain lifestyle while doing it. Not everyone who
works hard will get rich, but nobody said life is fair. It is
still the best system in the world.

Capitalism works best when it is self-regulating, and with
little government intervention. At this level it garners more
innovation and investment. The more the government gets involved
with regulations and more taxes, less innovation and investment
is generated. Instead of new taxes, with new names, why not quit
spending too much money?
Comments are always welcome.

The devil made me do it

Recently I received a joke from a friend, and because
I thought it was funny I’ll share it. I must warn you
up front that it could be considered political and some
might find it offensive, but it is funny.

George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same
barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber,
not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a
conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in
his chair reached for the aftershave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying, ‘No thanks, my wife Michelle
will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse,’

The second barber turned to Bush and said, ‘How about you sir ?’

Bush replied, ‘Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like.’

Comments are always welcome.

Doesn’t make sense

I didn’t do a post yesterday so I thought this would be a good
time to get some more worthless quotes, jokes, and odds and ends
out there.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

OK, . . . . so what’s the speed of dark?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

It is scientifically proven that a woman can be satisfied with
only three and a half inches….. and it doesn’t matter if the
card is Visa or MasterCard…

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”…but it’s only a
“penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything,
but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
— George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
— Victor Borge

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish
do in it.
— W.C. Fields

Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer-

Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with
the little hammer, right?”

Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniel’s to the
stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.

He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”

He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

Here’s a few from Maxine-

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians…It creates a hostile work environment.
Comments are always welcome.

Quick rant

Once again the following post contains my opinion of
current events that I find interesting. It is not meant
to change your mind, just to express what is on mine.

I feel sorry for GM. The company that is as American as
Mom, baseball, and apple pie is now taking heat over the
Chevy Volt. Some are now claiming that GM ‘lied to them
about the Volt being an electric car’ and claim it is
really a hybrid.

While we can’t say we told you so, we can ask what did
you expect? When the government gets heavily involved
with anything should it come as a surprise that things
are overfunded, overpriced, and sold at a loss?

Some are also saying GM lied about the capabilities of
the car. And if you buy one, do you really need to run
premium gas in it as some claim? Even if you don’t it is
still a $41,000 car that seats four, isn’t considered a
luxury vehicle, and is a money pit for a struggling
corporation.

GM didn’t need the government getting involved to solve
its problems. It needed people like Harley Earl, Lee
Ioccoca, and others who could actually design and sell
cars that the public would want.

We will see the passing of another marque this year when
the Mercury ceases to exist. The Mercury brand has been around
since 1939 and even made pick-up trucks for a few years. While
brands die off all the time, it does seem like the numbers are
picking up lately.

Locally, the park that may never be got my attention. After
a recent City Council meeting to name it Veteran’s park, it
now seems the project will be put on hold. If I’ve been reading
between the lines right it appears that federal and state
monies aren’t there anymore to fund it.

Of course with the Freight House still pending, and a bigger
priority, the park will have to wait. And I saw Ahrens on TV
saying how a farmers market in the Freight House would bring
in tourists. Wasn’t that the selling point of the Skatepark,
the Figge, the RME, and the Skybridge? I don’t know if they’re
trying to convince us, or themselves.
Comments are always welcome.