Sunday snicker

A religious mother sees her young son masturbating
When the father gets home he sees that the mother is beyond consolation. ‘Oh no what would God think of us for raising such an immoral child’ she cries hysterically.

The father tells her ‘Honey don’t worry, let me deal with it, tomorrow I am gonna take our son on a road trip and we will have a man to man chat and I will make him understand the virtues of living in a religious way and make him get rid of this deplorable habit’.

The next day while driving together on their road trip the father tells the son that masturbating is a sin and is frowned upon in their religion and God punishes those who does it. The son is not convinced and tells his father that God has better things to do than watch him jerk off.

The father sees that his son doesn’t believe in sin so he decides to try another approach, this time based on science. He tells him;

‘Son do you know that masturbation can damage eye sight’?. The son doesn’t believe it at first but was intrigued. ‘What no way’, he says ‘ No son, it’s true, masturbating can cause eye defects’. The kid is now scared and says ‘Really dad, but….but how?’.

The father then points to the road and says ‘Son do you see those two cars in front of us?, A masturbation addict would see four cars. The son stares at the road for a moment and says;

‘Uh….but dad there is only one car in front of us’

What next?

It’s going to be a beautiful day here on the east coast of Iowa and much warmer than yesterday. The wind chill yesterday was around -23 and the high today could get into the 40s! It even looks like we may have decent weather for at least a week. We’re almost certain it has nothing to do with the spy balloon that is floating across our country, then again someone said it did have a payload under it.

So once things warm up a bit, I plan on being outside enjoying the day. Might even get the bird feeder restocked as it shouldn’t be frozen to the tree. Shortly I’ll get the feral cat herd fed and watered, come in and get the wife’s cats fed and watered, then have another cup of coffee to keep going.

And I have decided that regardless of the weather, grocery shopping will be done on Friday. I went on Thursday this week, didn’t get any meat, dairy, or coffee, and walked out with 3 small plastic bags after spending about $100. At least when I go on Friday I end up with a trunk full of groceries. Enjoy our Saturday.

Crazy

Besides having a virus emergency, we now hear new rumors that lead us to believe most in government are certifiably insane. With the virus that had a survivability rate of around 98%, I never understood what the emergency was or the emergency use of the vaccine that doesn’t work. We are now seeing the results of that lapse of sanity as the coronary deaths are showing up.

Besides the mandates being unconstitutional, we believe they were unneeded and simply a power play. Too many people blindly followed along thinking the government doesn’t lie and is here to protect us. Was it just a test to see how many would follow the instructions? It was pretty easy to spot those sporting face masks in public. And now they could be after our gas stoves?

Back to the rumor, we heard those who pull Biden’s puppet strings now want to enact a ‘climate emergency’ that could have everyone staying home and not driving their cars to save the climate. Work from home, home schooling, having groceries delivered in electric trucks, etc. But we believe there is a method to their madness, at least to them.

Could it be they want us confined to our homes so we don’t get together with others to discuss how crazy it had gotten. If everyone is at home, and nobody is publicly complaining the media gets a lot of traction out of a story about how good things are without anyone giving a conflicting story. Just playing the Devil’s advocate. Enjoy our Friday.

Time flies

And time seems to speed up as I get older. Mom used to say, ‘Golden years my ass’ and we thought she’d gone crazy. When I turned 70, I found she may have had a point. She usually added that when one finally has the time and money to do what you want life kicked you. Then again, she survived cancer 3 times and lived into her 80s.

Now we’re into February and it feels like October was just a month ago. On the bright side, summer should get here next week. We never trusted the TV groundhog anyway, nor care either way. We figured out long ago that here in Iowa it gets cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Don’t need a critter predicting anything.

St. Patrick’s Day should also this month but since we always considered it ‘amateur hour when I was a professional drinker, I can’t say for sure. Back then, the only other day we took off was New Year’s Eve. It just made more sense to us to avoid the drama and stay home. Enjoy our Thursday.

Best laid plans

You just can’t plan ahead and hope for the best anymore. While at the store last Friday, I noticed they were out of all but the most expensive cat food and planned to ration what I had to get by. The feral cats had other ideas and are eating twice as much as before. This could be due to the colder weather, or the fact that I was running short.

So, I’ll cruise to the store in the morning and fix the problem. Today is the first day of February and that means it won’t be long until Valentine’s Day. It also means we’re past the coldest month of the year here in Iowa. Cold weather will stick around for a while yet, but we shouldn’t have to worry about pipes freezing.

We’re also getting closer to the time to get taxes done and it might hurt this year. Time will tell. At any rate, I’m not going to worry about it until the paperwork is in hand. Enjoy our Wednesday.

We’ll see

The deep freeze hit us, but at least it was sunny yesterday. The cold snap isn’t going to last long either and that helps. We got a comment from a follower who stated they haven’t been getting updates for a while now so tomorrow we’ll look into that. The only thing we’ve changed on this end is a new computer, yet we know glitches happen.

Hope that doesn’t take long and we get a lot more done. I have been avoiding the housework and have found my idea that dust bunnies may be relatives who have past may not be true. Yes, I know the ashes to ashes part, but the dust bunnies here are organizing and may soon want union wages.

We’ve also noticed that too many younger people are dying from heart problems and nobody seems too worried about it. If this has happened before we sure don’t remember it. I still think it’s vaccine related and if so, everyone who was pushing it should be jailed. Enjoy our Tuesday at any rate.

Sunday snicker

Once there was a little boy in church.
He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, “Mommy, I have to piss.”

The mother said, “Son don’t say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, ‘whisper’ because it is more polite.”

The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, “Daddy I have to whisper.”

The father said, “OK. Here, whisper in my ear.”

Sunday snicker

In a small town, a doctor is about to retire and a young colleague comes to replace him.
They visit all the patients together, and the old doctor introduces the young one everywhere.

“Doctor, I’ve been having a constant stomach ache lately.” cries one of the patients.

The old doctor answers,

“Didn’t you eat too much fruit? I think you should eat less, that’ll make you okay.”

As the two doctors leave the house, the young man wonders,

“How could you make a diagnosis so quickly? You didn’t even examine the lady.”

“Simple. I dropped my stethoscope, and as picking it up, I saw that the trash can under the table was full of banana peels. I immediately realized what was wrong.”

They move on to the next house, where they are greeted by another lady.

It’s the young doctor’s turn.

“Doctor, I’ve been feeling exhausted and weak lately.” says the lady.

“Well, ma’am, maybe you should do less volunteering for the church and get more rest.”

As they leave, the surprised old doctor asks his colleague,

“How did you know that? After all, you didn’t even examine the lady, and you don’t even know her.”

“Simple. I dropped my stethoscope, and as picking it up, I saw the priest under the bed.”

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Store visit

We didn’t get as much snow as forecasted, but we got some. First I noticed it was putting the groceries in the trunk after getting the supplies needed. While shopping I ran into the guy who delivers the potato chips and somehow the talk turned to time on the farm with the outhouse and no running water in the house, It was a lot of laughs but soon I had to head back to get the animals fed and he had to finish filling the chip aisle.

Getting back home, with the bags unloaded and put away, I went for a drive down memory lane. The younger version of Cruiser got in a lot of trouble down on the farm about a mile from the gas station. I remember because the station had coldest small bottles of Coke on a warm day. Of course, if you were at the gas station drinking a Coke you weren’t getting your chores done.

And I remembered the time My brother and myself were in the hay loft fooling around and he stuck a pitchfork through my foot. It wasn’t funny at the time, and I was on crutches for a while, but I laughed at the memory. We went to the old town Doc who said, ‘that doesn’t belong there’ and got down to business. He gave me an old belt and told me to bite down on it then pulled the pitchfork out.

When done he said my foot looked better, but it sure didn’t feel like it. After moving my foot around and making sure I had feeling in the foot he quickly dowsed the foot with alcohol and wrapped it. Don’t find too many doctors like that anymore. Enjoy our Saturday as every day we get closer to summer.

More snow?

We may get some more white fluffy love from today, we may get a lot, or it might rain and help the daffodils bloom. We all know how weather forecasts go. In a couple of hours, the Ford will be cruising to the store to pick up groceries. And once again, I’ll be grumbling at the cost of everything on the cruise home.

Read in a newsletter that big pharma may be using gain of function research to get ahead of the virus game. They seem to think if they mutate the virus, they can come up with a vaccine that will work, and they can make more money. Gives one a warm feeling to know they have our best interest at heart.

Not that long ago, reading something like that would get me laughing. Now that the world, and people, have gotten crazy, not so much. With the way things are going, one has to wonder what the 2024 ballot will look like. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Democrats back Hillary for president. But enough second guessing. Enjoy our Friday.