Since it is Sunday and most Christian
religions celebrate the Lord’s day, we
thought to try something different.
We shall talk of our Reformed Intellectual
and Redneck Church of the Almighty Picnic
and Car Show recently held at a secret
Cameras were not allowed to keep the
secret location secret, but we’ll try
and explain the experience.
Since you haven’t been here before,
we’ll give you the nickel tour or our
event. After everyone is here, we
meet in front of the flatbed trailer
which serves as our stage.
Since we couldn’t bring the organ,
our organist, Ms. Elmira Periwinkle
plays ‘Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory’
on an upright piano until the Right
Reverend Billy Bob Worthington-Smythe
III gets to the microphone.
Once he does, he begins the invocation,
which he calls “The 5 things you cannot
recover”. “A stone after it is thrown,
a word after it is spoken, time after
it has passed, and a twinkie after it
Once the invocation is done, Ms.
Periwinkle entertains us with a rousing
rendition of ‘Beep, Beep’ on the
Steinway as we look upon the rides
of others and Reverend Billy Bob blesses
Following a delicious lunch of fried
chicken, cole slaw, grits, greens, corn
chips, twinkies, lime jello, and Kool-
Ade, we take a little time to reflect on
all we have.
The hub caps are then passed through the
crowd for anyone who wants to make a
donation to the church. We never found
one, and Cletus had to drive his Merc
home with only 3 hub caps.
After the trophy was handed out we
had a moment of silence for those who
serve our country, followed by yet
another gathering at the stage.
We all join in a heartfelt rendition
of ‘God Bless the USA’ as a fitting
close to a righteous event.
We’d like to tell you how it ends, but
that is where we woke up.
Comments are always welcome.