Since it’s getting closer to Christmas every day, we’ll post a few things. We recieved an email from Craig Malin with the December 21 City Council update. It’s lengthy at 54 pages, but if we can upload it, go to the update. We also recieved an update on the Kalamazoo Promise. To check that out go to the page.

 The Guardian Angels were out again last night. There really wasn’t much going on crime wise. That could have been due to the weather. We did recieve a lot of thumbs up and Christmas wishes. The winter gear arrived to everyone had jackets even though they were almost too warm last night.

 That’s a little update, and comments on any subject are welcome.

Say what?

Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far)

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up.”

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, during which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kiwi Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition: The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

They still had the trailer attached to the bottom of the boat.

 And so it goes.

Couple things open thread

 Here’s a couple of things we thought we’d pass along.

 Brook sent along the Christmas newsletter from the Neighborhood Housing Services. According to this newsletter the NHS helped 46 families from being foreclosed on. While they did have to foreclose on 2, that seems like a really good average to us. The newsletter also focuses on the good news too. To see the newsletter, go here. If you have webTV, go here.

 Tomorrow, December 20, is our wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years since I got dressed up. Happy Anniversary to my wife.

 The last session of the current City Council should have met by now. When the next meeting is called to order, it will be with some new members. We hope for a smooth transition.

We’re trying to knock down a remodel, I’m just getting over pnuemonia again, and the weekend is almost here. Because of that consider this an open thread.

Christmas Carols For The Disturbed

 In keeping with our Christmas spirit, we thought we’d post these Christmas Carols for the disturbed as a public service.

 1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?

 2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are

 3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas

 4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

 5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and…..

 6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

 7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

 8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why

 9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — - Jingle Bells,! Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…

Christmas golf

 Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf.”
and she said
“Take a sweater.”

Holiday eating tips

 We got this in an email from Doc and thought we’d share it.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an ‘eggnog-aholic’ or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me.

Have two. It’s later than you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert — Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Did you know…

Stewardesses’    is the longest word typed with only the left hand ..

And ‘lollipop’    is the longest word typed with your right hand.  (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn’t you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

‘Dreamt’ is the only English word that ends in the letters ‘mt’.? (Are you doubting this?)
                                            
Our eyes    are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears  never stop growing.

The sentence: ‘The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog’ uses every letter of the alphabet.  (Now, you KNOW you’re going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
                                        
The words ‘racecar,’    ‘kayak’    and ‘level’  are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).   (Yep, I knew you were going to ‘do’ this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in ‘dous’: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You’re not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: ‘abstemious’ and ‘facetious.’ (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER     is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.   (All you typists are going to test this out)

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.   

A goldfish    has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that’s about what my memory span is.)

A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark    is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail    can sleep for three years.  (I know some people that could do this too.!)

Almonds are a member of the peach    family.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that also)

Babies are born without kneecaps.  They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. 

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. 

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
                                                   
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

Peanuts    are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave    was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.   (Good thing he did that.)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls    froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

                       
Now you know more than you did before!!

Things You Don’t Hear Anymore…

Be sure to refill the ice trays, we’re going to have company after while.

Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Aunt Mary in the mail today.

Quit slamming the screen door when you are on your way out!

Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.

Don’t forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

Wash your feet before you go to bed, they are nasty from playing outside all day barefooted.

Why can’t you remember to roll up your pant legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.

You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

Don’t you go outside with your good school clothes on!

Go comb your hair; it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.

Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.

Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won’t have to pay a deposit on another one.

Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won’t get on it.

Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don’t quit!

Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.

You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.

There’s a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.

Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.

You can walk to the store; it won’t hurt you to get some exercise.

Don’t sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.

If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!

Don’t lose that button; I’ll sew it back on after awhile.

Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.

Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!

Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don’t have to do that tonight in the dark.

Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.

Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.

Don’t turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.

No! I don’t have nine cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?

Eat those vegetables, they’ll make you big and strong like your daddy.

That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don’t care how cold it is out there, dogs just don’t come in the house.

Sit still! I’m trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all botched up.

Hush your mouth! I don’t want to hear words like that! I’ll wash your mouth out with soap!

It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.

If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you’ll get another one when you get home.

Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!

Soak your foot in this pan of coal oil so that bad cut won’t get infected.

When you take your driving test, don’t forget to signal each turn. Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.

It is: “Yes Ma’am!” and “No Ma’am!” to me, young man, and don’t you forget it!

Y’all come back now, ya hear!

Angels explained by children

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold.
~~~Gregory, 5

Everybody’s got it all wrong. Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
~~~Olive, 9

It’s not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there’s still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
~~~Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
~~~Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for science.
~~~Henry, 8

Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!
~~~Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
~~~Daniel, 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there’s a tornado.
~~~Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter.
~~~Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very good carpenter.
~~~Jared, 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t go for it.
~~~Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
~~~Lynn, 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
~~~Vicki, 8

What I don’t get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.
~~~ Sarah, 7

The 12 Days of Christmas

 Here’s an different take on an old Christmas song. We figured with the subject of recent post we’d do a lighter one. We don’t know if it’s true or not, but it is interesting.

 There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me.
What in the world do leaping lords, French hens,
swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won’t come out
of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?
Today, I found out.

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were
not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone
during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning
plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each
element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality
which the children could remember.
 
 
-The Partridge in a Pear tree was Jesus Christ.
 
-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.

-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the  Holy Spirit–Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.

-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit–Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.

-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.

-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of  belief in the Apostles’ Creed.
So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol…
 
Merry (Twelve Days of) Christmas Everyone…..